Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
