You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
