Well douche your snatch and let's go!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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