My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
