Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
