dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
