Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
