It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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