Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
