I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
