i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
