Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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