guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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