Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
