I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
