She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
