apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
