My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
