Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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