I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
