why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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