just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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