I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
