Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
