I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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