dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
