I faked an abortion last night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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