I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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