I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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