ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
