Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
