Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
