go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize