Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we're making bets on your personal life
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
