There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
