oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
