they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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