Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
