You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
