im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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