I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
