seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
