after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
