Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
