It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
is wine microwaveable?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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