So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
