i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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