oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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