My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Bring me that man meat
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
