wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
