I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
