Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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