plz talk dirty to me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
