After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
