i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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