Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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