You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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