the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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