Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
