my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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