i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
