I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
