even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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