Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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