bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
