Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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