you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize