there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
