I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
